we stumble.
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in my head you’ve said things to meand i’ve tried to guess, i’ve triedyour highs and lows are closer to sane than i could ever pretendwhat with my kaleidoscopic brain and mood spectrumsit’s fine you’ll be far away at leasti can never pretend that distance doesn’t affect mei tried to do that not once but every timei’m an out of sight out of mind personit just hasn’t happened yet when i was laying in your bed with my legs tucked against the wallthinking how small my waist wasthe size of your wrist, my twisted night, coming downand you were the brightest bluewe looked at each other in that way we do(you know that way we do, we always do)and you asked if i’d like to tryas if you didn’t answer it yourself i said long distance never works (or you said it)either way we agreedwhat if i lied? no, i don’t want to try it againin our blithest neons we could be in lovebut we are pastel and greyscaleand transparent, opaque, textured at bestwe are the colors that are mixed and are so wrong and so uglyat firstbut then you see it and it defines a seasonand no one really gets us, either of usand we won’t pretend to get each other listen, are you staying away because it’s pointless not to?is it an active denial or are you acting out of nonchalance?am i a stock you’d short? have you already done so?at least we both stayed well within our margins this time.i’d go long on anything, blindly, i’m bad like thatbut i don’t play my heart like a volatility chartalthough the more i realize itthe more i realize how i only think about you at nightand the idea of you creeps up on me during the day of coursebut i only wish you were here at nightwhen we don’t have to talk, just let our bodies talki wonder if i overestimate my ability to be affectionate. i’m bad at skype dates. i get distractedi get moody and tired, i’d like you to lay down and touch youthrough the computer screenand indulge in the tragedy ofoh, we’re two spirits in love, we’re victimized, why can’t we just be togetherbut we can’t even share an umbrellaand you said it, we’re fiercely independent.we suck at doing things together.i’m probably going to be a drunk. you’re probably going to be a drunk.amongst other things.i definitely don’t love you. i’m fond of you, maybe a lot, but i don’t love you.so… so why can’t i stand the thought of you standing in front of the places i’ve been with the people i know that i know for sure won’t stand up for me if you happen to be standing next to a girl looking happy with that hazy look in your eyes and arm around her waist, am i supposed to make you run your fingers over the initials i carved into the tree on top of the hill i climbed when i was in love with someone else in that city, am i supposed to be okay with you running the streets and walking the alleys maybe alone maybe not, i’m familiar with how the experience makes you fall in love with people i know it, what if you come back and you’re not yourself, and you’ve moved on but i haven’t, and what if you’re the one and i can’t do anything but tick away the calendar days as august approaches and i’m sitting here covered in my own apathy too exhausted to get out of bed too stoned on air to even cry like i used to, am i supposed to want to watch and pretend to have some semblance of control over what you do, everyone knows i like you but no one is making you stay. i won’t even make you stay. but that little tiny part of me justreally, really wishes you would anyway.
i’m like so longing for you. you’re so much taller. you crawled into bed with me and scooped me up. hahaha, i’m like so sorry i wasn’t warmer, that i teased you, that i don’t know how to live in the moment, that i turned away from you and didn’t answer when you asked. i wish i smiled for you. i mean, you were a twat, but we’re friends.
The last time I ever… Don’t we always We also do holding hands like never Up against the elevator lever I looked at you and said forever But you were tired and You know I never noticed how low the ceilings are And I said the view from my window You had to try to like it Out yours was a haystack And I was a needle I was your needle Didn’t we always Like lonesome only said the infinite stony When we were alone left alone thank god Four AM thank god I’d never seen the sky so blue When we broke through the cold beats were Chilly and blue and lucid and clear Thank god I kept saying thank god How pretty the lights and colors and brick houses Our boring epiphanies That’s all right there are others Roaming the avenues the city curled like a flower We talked about houses and revenues Down the block boom he got shot And you pointed to the car while I looked afar At the couple kissing and we kept laughing And I kept crying and said this is my only I’m meant to be lonely Just lonely then you reached out my anchor Then I turned steely cold and said I’d be a banker And in the melty melty sunrise I was giggly though Through the dawn we meant to do something You smell so good you smell like peace You were all I learned when I went to teach The longest train ride of my life my trainwrecked brain Still I went back to you in the rain And was that the first night you put your hands on me?
You pick up the phone and I’m so relievedYou slide down your stairs to the heated streetAnd the sun has left us with slippery feetAnd I want to walk around with you It doesn’t really matter, I’ll go where you feelHunt for the breeze, get a midnight mealI point in the windows, you point out the parksRip off your sleeves and I’ll ditch my socksWe’ll dance to the songs from the cars as they passWeave through the cardboard, smell that trashWalking around in our summertime clothes,Nowhere to go while our bodies glowAnd we’ll greet the dawn in its morning bluesWith purple yawn, you’ll be sleeping soonAnd I want to walk around with you Let’s leave the sound of the heat for the sound of the rainIt’s easy to sleep when it wets my brainIt covers my rest with a saccharine sheenKissing the wind through my window screenThe restlessness calls us, that I cannot hideSo much on my mind that it spills outsideDo you want to go stroll down the financial street?Our clothes might get soaked, but the buildings sleepAnd there’s no one pushing for a placeAs we end up at an easy paceAnd I want to walk around with you
Oh my sweet goodness wish you could be here every timeBut don’t miss me goodness because I rub away every timeThen groan at the goodness but do you mean not every timeThen gone in the goodness wish I could stay here every time
“I don’t think that I like you anymoreWell I found new feelings at the feeling storeAnd I can’t find you at our kissing placeWell I’m scared of those new pair of eyes you have”
I haven’t seen you in a week or three daysThough it really bugs meIt’s nice to find new ways to smileI keep thinking thatWhen you feel sad you can’t poutCause what this song’s about is me singingI’m just wondering what to do with you myself and meNaked in the mirror of the bathroom
Know your nextYou make me feel alrightAre you just like meNever gonna pick one kind of fruitLike a mushed banana on your toothAnd you like the sting of the cherry juiceNever eat an appleThat’s just one color
Come in closeI trust youYour nose dipped in my sweatIt dripped on your beautiful sweaterKind of niceShould I really lie with youI never knowWhen I’m on my ownAre there more important things to doThen kiss or sleep today we gotta wake up
ive been into the plants and simple treasuresand i sew patches on pants and i get pleasureand i dont make particular plans cause they dont matterif you keep on foolin in bed with my sleeping patterns